Session 9 – No, Thank You. Yes, Please.
Posted by: Ronda Devereaux | July 3, 2014 | 11:44 am
Just say No – Isn’t that what we tell our kids about drugs? and peer pressure? and smoking? This is definitely one of those do as I say not as I do things isn’t it??? We can’t say No to anything. Even when we HATE it! In Session 9 of the Firestarter Sessions, Danielle Laporte talks us through that simple little word : NO!!!
Whether it is saying No to our kids, or a crappy job, or baking cupcakes for the school carnival, No is one of the hardest words in the English language. Simple to spell, hard to say (especially for those of us female gender types). Learning to say no does something really cool in our lives. It creates space. Only when there is space can new stuff arrive.
Even when we have learned to spout that simple little word, we often don’t take a look around us at what is working and what isn’t – and stop the what isn’t part. We just keep doing it. The wheels on the bus go round and round. And round. And round. What are you doing that you resent? (think of those cupcakes full of resentment that you fed to the kids at the school carnival). Resentment is toxic. Dang, if you didn’t poison those kids. When you are doing stuff that you resent, you are doing absolutely no one a favor. Least of all, yourself.
All that resentment toxicity and doing stuff we hate really bogs us down. When we admit that something really sucks and we don’t want to do it anymore something really cool happens. Euphoria will happen and solutions will emerge. Really, I promise. Admitting it sucks is definitely more than half the problem. When you get high on truth, you get a new vantage point about where to go next. If resentment isn’t your cue, take a look at your anxiety. If you are totally anxious about some of the things you are doing, that is just as bad as resenting it. Lots of extra energy dissipated with no real results.
Reframing QUIT – It’s not so much quitting as ….. stopping, ceasing, retiring, putting it to rest, letting it fly, moving on, phasing out, bringing to a conclusion, taking a bow, changing course, clarifying, focusing, perfecting, shifting and trading up.
Another point – you don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to justify yourself. When you start to justify why you don’t want to do something anymore – our big ole rational mind can get in the way. Just go with the way you feel – it is really hard to argue with someone’s feelings.
So now is the time to make that little stop-doing list : being overly responsible for everyone and everything (those little kiddies can dress themselves and make their own lunches), last minute anythings, obsessive anything (facebook, email, twitter, youtube), being the only chauffeur, things you can pay your teenager to do, tasks that are not in your skill set, clutter and the wheels on the bus are still turning.
THE STOP-DOING LIST WORKSHEET
Look back on your year and get very clear about what sucked. What didn’t work, got mired in resentment, felt onerous, weighed you deadly down?
All of the above activities serve only to make you busier, or put you out of the zone of your true strengths.
What will you stop doing? Effective immediately?