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Session 3 – The Strategy Of Desire

Posted by: Ronda Devereaux | June 12, 2014 | 2:22 pm


How do you want to feel? – That is the question posed by Danielle Laporte in the beginning of Session 3 of the Firestarter Sessions. Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have. As you go throughout your day, get up in the morning, go to work, pick up your kids ; how do you want to feel? Do you even know how you feel right now? We make our task lists, goal lists, laundry lists, bill lists, but how many of us ever ask ourselves the question about how we want to feel in our lives?


We set ourselves and our lives up with the end in mind. That place we want to get to – success, achievement, our soulmate. Often times our happiness when all is said and done is fleeting at best. Why??? Typically we come up with our to-do lists, our bucket lists, and our strategic plans – all the stuff we want to have, get, and experience outside of ourselves. All of these things are ultimately driven by how we want to feel. But most of us are totally out of touch with our feelings. What if, first, we got clear on how we actually wanted to feel within ourselves, and then we designed our to-do lists?


Have you always wanted that Mercedes in the driveway? Or that promotion with lots of letters or title at the end of your name (ie VP, CEO, UFO)? Sometimes that is what we think we want, and then we get it only to find that it really sucks – big time. You end up working so many hours you never see you kids or your dear hubby. That beautiful home you always wanted only sees you when you are headed off to bed each night. Maybe instead of all those little letters or that title at the end of your name what you really want is not front and center.


First, get clear on how you want to feel. Then, do stuff that makes you feel that way.


Everything we do is driven by our desire to feel good. Even when we engage in things that aren’t good for us, in that moment that need is driven by feeling better than we do right now. Feelings have their very own magnetism – and that can be a positive or a negative thing.


Learning to trust that we know how we want to feel (or what we feel) is synonymous with learning to trust our intuition. After all, intuition is that wee small voice inside us – our soul’s whisper. “Feelings first” is really the essence of simplified living – a focus on what matters most.


So what would happen if you went throughout your day focused on your feelings? Would you sit for a moment longer and really enjoy that cup of tea? Would you tell your boss that now is not a good time for that giant project he wants to drop in your lap? Would focusing on how you want to feel leave you evermore in the present moment – and make you grateful for your wondrous and joyous life? Or would it leave you simmering in disappointment, resentment and a whole lot of other ments.


Life is full of opportunities to feel exactly the way you want to feel.


So take a minute (or 20) and work through the questions below – don’t forget that trusty pen and journal (and moment of self reflection). Take a deep breath and move your awareness to your second chakra (below your belly button). This is where YOUR feelings reside. Are you ready?



feelings: sensations; emotions; inner states; consciousness; inner world.

goal: everything you work toward; the objective of your strategy; the whole point.


How do you want to feel in your life?
Do a stream- of- consciousness riff: concepts, words, feelings, images. This is about optimal, positive, nourishing, and good— very good— feelings. Put them all on paper. Let a tsunami of desire flood you. Invest in yourself. Want what you want. Go.


Study your list of desired feelings. Read it over a few times. Read it out loud if you’re  inclined. Sleep on it. Take it for a walk. What jumps out at you, feels warm, feels yes!, feels really important and valuable? Identify the words or concepts that really turn you on. The objective of this exercise is to narrow down your list to three to five desired feelings. Whittle it down; make some tough choices. Having a tough time chooseing between, say, creative and artistic, or strong and powerful? Try this: Look up the definitions of words. Each word is its own planet, and knowing the actual definition and origin can be instantly illuminating. Repetitive questioning. This is a potentially annoying, galvanizing little mind trick: Keep asking yourself how a feeling feels. Get underneath its skin. Like this: So, what does confidence feel like? (Answer with the first thing that comes to mind.) “It feels like winning.” What does confidence feel like? “It feels like being certain.” What does  confidence feel like? “It feels like . . . clarity.”


Bingo. What you really desire to feel is clarity.


Write each word you’re considering on its own sticky note, even if it’s ten words. Stick them on the fridge for a day, or around your computer monitor, and see how they make you feel. You’ll start to see how confidence is really summed up with the word strong, or how beautiful, classy, and elegant are present in one word: graceful. Toss the sticky notes that don’t make the cut and see what you’re left with after a few days. Set a deadline for  yourself. “By Saturday, I’ll be clear on my core desired feelings and that’s that.” Don’t sweat it. This isn’t a test. You can change your mind later, have an aha moment, and  recalibrate it all when you wake up.




Five to ten accomplishments or experiences that will make me feel this


Three things I will do today to generate these feelings:


Three things I will do this week to generate these feelings:


Three things I will do this quarter to generate these feelings:


Three people to collaborate with who help me feel this way:


How did that go? Where you surprised by the results? Me too… See you in Session 4!

Article by: Ronda Devereaux

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